


So Close

by GrayscaleAtmosphere



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Car Accidents, Did I mention angst, Domestic, Established Relationship, F/M, Literally so much angst, Miscarriage, also i dont think hopsitals work this way, but im gonna need you to roll with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 03:39:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17675747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrayscaleAtmosphere/pseuds/GrayscaleAtmosphere
Summary: Everything was perfect; you had a perfect job, a perfect husband, and you were about to have a perfect, little baby to complete your family.You were so close.





	So Close

Your eyelids feel heavy, your head is throbbing, and your throat is dry. All you can hear is a strange, continuous noise that rings in your ears like a high-pitched scream in a large, empty room. Your whole body is freezing and burning up at the same time. You feel so odd, but your mind is too hazy to register the fact with any panic. Maybe you’re experiencing sleep paralysis.

With a few more attempts and enough force to tear a groan out of your cracked lips, you lift your eyelids open, immediately flinching at the overhead lights blaring angrily and far too brightly at you. You shut your eyes tightly against the glare, but when your eyes close you don’t get the darkness you wanted. You see more lights— brightly glowing orbs growing bigger and bigger— while a horrible, shrill sound that you can't decipher pierces your ears like an arrow and makes your head pulse. That’s when it all comes back to you, and your eyes fill with fresh, burning tears that drip down your closed lids as you experience the devastation and agony again.

~

_“Where on earth are you taking me?” You asked, raising your eyebrow and laughing at your husband’s goofy grin and loving eyes that you adored so dearly. The city landscape you were accustomed to had slowly melted away into gorgeous trees and mountains in a wash of an orange, pink, and red sunset that bled slowly into night._

_“Somewhere.” Taehyung answered, not taking his eyes off the road. The smile was so evident in his voice; it was contagious. You rolled your eyes and gestured for his continue. He really was terrible at surprises. The car came to a stop at a red light and he turned to face you, “Somewhere close. That's all I can say, now be patient, love! It's so much better when it's a surprise.” He said, grasping your hand in his. You faked a sad look and pouted out the window. He just chuckled, and your frown broke. It was funny really; you'd been married for nearly a year and yet you were as lovesick as the teenagers you were when you first met. Your other hand trailed over your bulging stomach gently, smiling wistfully. You felt his thumb caressing the back of your hand. Everything was perfect; you had a perfect job, a perfect husband, and you were about to you have a perfect, little baby to complete your family._

_You were so close._

_You looked up from your pregnant belly to the dark, empty road ahead; the light had turned green and you were on your way to your mystery destination once again. You looked over to Taehyung and he smiled so lovingly at you that you had to look away, blushing._

_And there it was._

_The lights that rapidly grew bigger and bigger and that sound that grew more and more terrifying. It was too late when you realized the sound was your own scream. It was too late when you saw your car suddenly wrench out of its initial direction under the pressure of the colliding truck before you felt it. It was too late when you felt your head collide with the glass window beside you. You couldn't breathe; your lungs had gone flat. It hurt. You remembered his warm hand limply falling from your own, before you succumbed to darkness._

You were so close...

~

Your ears are still ringing when you hear a door creak open loudly. You lift your eyes weakly, but they stubbornly fall again. Footsteps fall closer to you; they seem as loud as thunder.

“Hello Mrs.—” Your ears ring again, making you wince. “I'm your doctor. How are you feeling?”  You aren’t sure how to answer, so you don’t. He moves toward you to begin an examination, but you stop him. You can’t be patient. You need to know.

“Doctor…” You say quietly, voice cracking from not being used, and you look at him through strained eyes. He looks back at you with a somber expression that gives you a sinking feeling.  

“I understand that this must be overwhelming to you. Do you recall what happened to you and your husband?” He begins, setting his clipboard down. You hesitate briefly before giving a small nod. “Your injuries were not minor, but I am happy to say you will live to see another day.” You remain silent. Who cares about you? Where is he? Where is—? “Your husband…” His eyes are solemn and your vision heavily blurs; you suddenly don’t want him to continue, but he does. “…faced more serious injury. He’s in a coma and is unresponsive. We currently have him in the ICU keeping him supported, but now that you’re awake… we’ll need your decision on further action. We can continue keeping him on support, but the prognosis is not promising. Or, we make sure he is as comfortable as possible.”

 Your eyes shut again, you can't face this anymore; you were a fool to think you could.

“Unfortunately, that’s not all…”

Then you remember. You barely lift your hand to your stomach. It’s flat. A scream of anguish rips through you as a wave of tears cascade down your face uncontrollably.

This can’t be happening.

You were so close.

So close…

* * *

After a few days riddled with painful rehabilitation, you’re finally able to walk with the help of crutches and strong medication. You’ve been avoiding the wing where your husband is; you tell yourself it’s because you can barely walk as it is, but really you’re just scared. Terrified actually. You don’t want to face it because you know what it will mean. You don’t know if you’re ready yet.

The thought of what you will see brings tears to your eyes, but your feet nonetheless drag you to him. The nurses give you sympathetic glances as you walk past them, but they were merely gray nothings in your faded world. You make it to the door that seals the fate of him. Your husband. Kim Taehyung. Your chest tightens as you twist the knob, bracing yourself for the painful scene you’d be faced with. Yet you are still unprepared.

You see him, barely, on a small hospital bed covered with IVs and respiratory machines and monitors. The only life in this room are the machines. You stumble over to him and collapse by his side, tears welling up in your eyes. He looks so peaceful. So… empty.

You lace your fingers with his and speak. Your voice is hideously cracked and you feel yourself breaking with each moment that passes.

“Hi, Tae,” You say softly, letting out a shaky breath, “I woke up a few days ago. I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner...” You sniffle, “I’m just really scared. I miss you. I _need_ you." Tears roll down your face "Our little one didn't make it,” You whisper, letting out a sob. You say nothing for a while, crying silently and trying desperately to hold yourself from completely falling apart into a thousand, tiny broken pieces, “but now it's your turn, sweetheart. Wake up. Wake up now. I've missed seeing your beautiful smile and hearing your silly jokes. Wake up and tell me everything is okay. Please...wake up.” You can no longer muster a solid voice and trail off with a pitiful whimper. You stare at him, but receive no smile, no laugh, no soothing words.

Your mind makes its decision, but your heart still clings so hopelessly to him. The pain of knowing that no matter what decision you make, you’ll never have him again hits you hard. Sobs wrack your body until you can’t breathe. You want so badly to just end yourself of this pain—then you would be with him. How can you possibly go on like this anyway? But you know better. He would hate it if you did something like that, and he was always right about those things. Your heart finally agrees with your head. Numbly, you stand to shakily to your feet and make your way to the wall adjacent to the love of your life. You slide back to the ground and gripped the cord that held him to this world. It takes more strength than you have at first, but you finally hear the expanded high-pitched sound that is the last goodbye from your Kim Taehyung.

You fall back onto the wall as nurses rush in, quickly stopping when they see you. Their eyes hold pain for you as a handful of them walk slowly to the bed and start to remove the tubes from his hopeless body, some of them placing comforting hands on your shoulder. You try to remind yourself that he isn’t there anymore; that it’s just a shell that’s being rolled out of the hospital room now, but it’s still too much. Unable to bear the sight, you bury your head into your arms and weep. The nurses leave, likely to find help for you, but you don’t even notice. As far as you’re concerned, you’re the only one left in the world.

The darkness in your eyes suddenly turns into a bright, white light. A weak curiosity courses through you as you force your eyes open once more.

Your heart stops.

There in front of you is none other than your beloved husband. He holds that smile that could erase your fears in the hardest of times and those eyes that held more than you’d ever seen. In his arms is a bundle of plush blankets. It’s shrouded in the same bright light that emanated from Taehyung. The sight makes tears well up in your eyes, but you quickly let the tears roll down and wipe them off as best as you can. You want to see every second of him. You don't care if you’ve gone crazy. The Taehyung you know and love is right in front of you.

“Darling, don’t cry. My heart soars at the sound of your beating one. We wish we could still be by your side, but we know you'll make us so proud.” He keeps saying it, but you are too dazed to notice. He kneels down and adjusts the bundle in his arms. “Isn't she beautiful? She looks just like you. C'mon admit it. She's absolutely beautiful, isn't she?” He says affectionately, with a bright laugh. A whimper escapes you.

“She…” You repeat in nothing more than a shocked murmur. It's your unborn baby. Your _daughter_. A fresh wave of tears greets you and you are speechless.

“Tell her you’ll be okay, sweetheart.” He encourages, looking at you with a soft smile. You try to look at your baby girl, but bright golden rays bounce off of her and your eyes are forced shut. A distant echo of a newborn's giggle fills your ears before darkness falls over the room again, and you are met with the cold silence of loneliness once more. You force your eyes open again, scared, and jerk forward.

“No wait! Come back! Please! Don’t leave me.” You beg desperately, horrifying loneliness sweeping through you.

“Please...” You call out again, voice cracking as you hold yourself tightly.

* * *

You stand in a field of erected slabs of stones all alone. Everyone else had left you to say your final goodbyes. The rain started to sprinkle in a light mist as you stare lifelessly into the polished gray rock in front of you, engraved with the names you thought you would never have to see on it. You want to close your eyes, to leave, but you then remember that moment. His smile. His words. You shake your head to stop the tears, but the effort is in vain. Nonetheless, a soft smile tugs at your lips as hope trickles back into your eyes.

“I’ll be okay.”


End file.
